Life Altering...

As I laid in bed last night trying to fall asleep, I listened to the waves crashing on our sleep sound machine and started thinking about my life and everything that has led to this point. To the very point of me, lying next to my husband in our bed, trying to say goodbye to Tuesday and hello to Wednesday.

I have had a good life! I have had so many good things happen to me. I've had my share of disappointments as well. Some brought on by others, and some by my own stupidity and poor decision making. But it has been just that... MY LIFE ! And I have loved it. Everything I have been through, has made me who I am. I am not perfect by any means, but at this point, I am being REAL and HONEST and the best version of who I am inside.

So as I laid there last night, many thoughts ran through my mind and I started thinking about the things in my life that have made an impact and made me stronger, helped me grown, lessons I learned, things that have CHANGED me. For better or worse. All those things... making me ME

1. All the moving we did w/ my dad’s job. Making new friends, being insecure, becoming independent. 2. The wonderful memories I have of my mom and her effort to make holidays like Easter, and Halloween fun for her kids. Always making cute costumes and giving us healthy treats along with some candy. 3. Moving to Seattle all by myself to take a new job. I was scared and excited at the same time and knew there was a reason, other then the job, that I was supposed to be there. I was there all alone. No friends, no family... and I really "found myself" there. 4. Feeling very protective of my brother and sister when they were little. Taking care of them so much. My brother told me when I left for college he felt like he was losing his "mom".5.Graduating from Massage Therapy School. I loved that program and was really proud of myself for realizing I had a gift with "touch"6.Meeting my future husband.I knew there was something different about Josh. He made me want to be a better person 7. Having the best childhood growing up in Boise Idaho. My parents were very conscious of giving me good memories. 8. Taking dance classes for 10 years. It taught me discipline and was my first creative outlet. 9. Choosing to be in a horrible relationship in my late 20’s and not ending it for years. This decision not only hurt me in the long run, but hurt others as well. It's one of my greatest regrets, but luckily I learned a great lesson from it.10. Finding out I was pregnant for the first time. Nothing can really describe the emotions you feel when you know you have a human being growing inside you. The night we found out, as we laid in bed, I snuggled up to Josh and whispered "I'm never going to forget this feeling". 11. Dealing with my mom’s depression as a child. I've never faulted her for it but it was not easy to deal with as a young girl. She's a good mother and I love her for dealing with it. Her illness placed a lot of responsibility on me at a young age. 12. Seeing Moab Utah for the first time. It is majestic. Such an amazing place here on earth. 13. Having my Grandpa Laney (mom’s dad) die. I was holding his head when he passed away. Watching and knowing his spirit left his body in that moment. It was a feeling that is hard to describe. Knowing he was with his Father in Heaven on the other side. He was the rock of the Laney family. 14. Being married ! Learning to compromise. It’s okay to disagree. Treat each other nicely. I don’t always have to have the last word. Don’t be so stubborn. Being so proud of my husband. Never worrying about “is this going to last”.. And just Knowing it will. Never feeling safer. Having days where I can’t be in the same room with him and other days where I can’t bare to leave his side. Never knowing I could love someone as much as I love Josh. 15. Having a very close relationship with my mom as a kid, but struggling as an adult. We are both strong willed and it’s hard for her to let go and for me to have patience when she doesn’t acknowledge that I’m not a child anymore. We love each other so much. We have come to realized that it’s okay if we don’t agree 100% of the time. Just respect each other opinions and be nice to each other. We have come a long way. 16. Having my heart broken many times and surviving. I think everyone should have their heart broken at least once. It makes you appreciate it when you find "the one". 17. Riding my bike EVERYWHER when I was a kid. Going fast, feeling free. 18. Heceta Head lighthouse. Knowing that’s where I publicly gave my heart to Josh forever. 19. The beliefs I hold in my heart. They are my saving grace and keep me sane and when I feel lost, I hold on to them. 20. Giving birth to Gracie. Even if we only had our baby for a couple hours... we had her. We HAVE her in our hearts. 21. Having (my dad) Bruce come into our lives at the age of 3. He was the best thing that could have happened to my mom and me. 22. learning I had a talent to write. When my lips fail me, my hand never falters. 23. Being a horrible reader in elementary school and having to take torturing classes. I was so embarrassed and insecure. But today, my books are my treasure. 24. Failing my written drivers test the first time. I was so nervous. It overwhelmed me and I couldn’t think. 25. Having a very difficult relationship with my brother over the years. But learning what it means to “walk in someone else’s shoes” and having empathy when someone else is going through a hard time. 26. Being creative with my crafts and being able to give people my labor of love. 27. My wedding day. Becoming Josh's wife was one of the proudest moments of my life. 28. Losing our baby 5 months into my pregnancy. Something a mother never wants to experience and something I will never get over. 29. Finally understanding how much my mom loves her kids. Enough said. 30. Becoming somewhat of a feminist the older I get. It makes me feel proud to stand up for what I believe in. 31. Moving from Boise to Indiana at age 13. One of the hardest things I did as a child. Boise was my home. I had good memories there. But I was forced to blossom and come out of my shell. 32. Going to Depot Bay Oregon with Josh and developing such wonderful memories there. It will be a place we take our children many times. 33. Being Brennon’s aunt. His forthcoming arrival was a surprise to our family 5 years ago, but he has turned out to be the absolute BRIGHTEST part of the Kramer family. Our lives are better for having been graced with his presence.